"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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