I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
