after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
