If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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