I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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