I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
