I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
