I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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