I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
