smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
