Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
