hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
