I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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