3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
false alarm, still single
Randomize
