i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
