How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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