brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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