i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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