I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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