I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
