It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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