worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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