Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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