Your mouth is God's brothel.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
