I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
