I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
