You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
