i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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