i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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