Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
