literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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