Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
