Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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