Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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