Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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