one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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