woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
