you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize