So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
