i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
