You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
