Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
