I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
