is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
