i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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