cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
