I want to stick my p in your. b.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
