Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
