Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
