so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
