perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
