a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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