even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I could fuck to npr.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
