I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
