The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
