I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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