but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
