Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Found your dick twin last night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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