I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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