I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
