All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
