sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
