I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
