i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
