My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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