I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
