people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
