You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Every concussion has its silver lining
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
