im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
