apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
