Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
